Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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