i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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