he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
