I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
