He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize