like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize