The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
