Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
