I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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