Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
