she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
