he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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