i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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