there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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