So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize