apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
