i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
