He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
