you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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