so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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