Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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