Im at strip club and am horny
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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