My cat gives me a boner
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
