its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
