the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
