Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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