I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
