Tell her she can't have a vagina
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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