you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize