at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
