I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
wow bdsm is so cute
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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