if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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