your parents love me but you hate me
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
