there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
