First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
