We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
