I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
