I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize