Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
