the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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