'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
