he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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