I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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