already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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