As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
