Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
