Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
