We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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