Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I love how my cats smell like pot.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How external is "for external use only"?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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