that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
