So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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