I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I came so hard my ears popped.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize