so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
