Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
