Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
