Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
