Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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