there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
