you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
