I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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