Your tits are I can't wait for
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize