that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
