Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My ATM looks so different sober.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just invented taco cereal.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
