I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
