im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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