I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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