Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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