Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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