My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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