..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
