Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize