Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
