Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
