I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
