no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
