i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
