I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
