Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
