I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
