honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize