you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
