I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
