Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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