i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
