I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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