i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
