two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
