chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
