he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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