please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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