he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We don't watch enough power rangers
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
