The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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