Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
