She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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