Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I am naked and annoyed.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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