Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
