I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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