Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
