Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
