not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
