My friends, they love my intelligence
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize