I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
