The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
