News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
