you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
As shirtless as possible
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
