The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
