I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize